When people asked me in high school what my dream job was I would answer I wanted to be a graphic designer. But, like many children of immigrants, the consideration of what you love to do comes second to what your parents think would provide you with financial stability. I became a math teacher.
Throughout undergrad, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. Do I like my career path, will it let me continue to do the things I want to, and was I weak and cowardly for not pursuing My Passion(TM)? Social media fed into my regrets, showing others in my graduating cohort pursuing the job I thought was my dream and others who seemed to love their programs*.
I liked my program ok. In the summers I pursued other potential fields, none of which I fell in love with. I enjoyed my teaching practicums, took on a TA role and became a camp counselor, both roles which I found fulfilling. But, I still wondered “is this what I’ll do for the rest of my life?” It was terrifying to think about for too long, so I didn’t dwell on it and figured I don’t mind it that much. I still found time to be creative, but as time went on, it changed from visual arts to other forms and other priorities came into being. I kept busy with clubs, hobbies, and various activities that would make me a desirable hire.
Before I knew it, I graduated. I got a job teaching in London and I didn’t see much of a point wondering what my dream was anymore in all the excitement that came with moving to England.
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| The school I worked at for 2 beautiful years. |
What I didn’t realize as I graduated was that I had changed. My dreams changed with me. I couldn’t tell you what my dream was during university (and maybe not even now) because with every passing day I gained knowledge that challenged who I was the day before.
If you’re out there and you’re soon graduating or recently graduated, take heart. You might not know what you want to do yet but every experience you have gets you one step closer to the answer. Find comfort in this alleged** quote by Thomas Edison when asked about his multiple failures : “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Two years out of London and half a semester into my first year in China, I’m happier and more confident of myself than I have ever been. I still can’t answer the original question but I do know more about what I want out of life:
- Time to spend with friends and family
- Work that directly helps others (which luckily, teaching does)
- Increasing my knowledge
- Being creative, probably through hands-on crafts.
If you’re not one of the lucky few who knew your passion and skill set early on, it’s ok to do something else first. This does not mean you put up with a job you hate waking up to but a job you kind of like and gives you financial stability is a pretty solid deal. Take a few years to figure yourself out. I have the ability now to make independent decisions knowing it’s what I want to do and the f-you money to not let others get in my way.
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| Me, balling. |
I’m not the same person I was when I was back in high school and thank goodness for that because, I say this in the most loving of ways, I was an idiot in high school. Still is. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t follow my high school dream and just mostly winged it.
Whatever you end up doing, you can make the best of it and have a great time. I had the chance to explore different places, meet people from all walks of life, and go on countless adventures. I wake up and look forward to going into work. I find my work meaningful and hilarious. If I had let the regret of not pursuing my high-school dream job overwhelm me I would have missed out on a lot of wonderful experiences my second-choice career gave me.
If you don’t know what you’re doing with your life, don’t worry. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life either and we can have a good time together.
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| Living beside the Thames. |
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| The largest winter-time festival in Harbin, China. |
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| Flower market in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. |
*Of course, I now know not everything I see on my feed is reflective of what goes on off the feed, but back then I was much less secure.
**It may or may not be an accurate quote but hell if I don’t agree with the sentiment.